2019: New Year, Same Me.

When I think about the New Year, I often reflect on what I have achieved the year previous. I wonder about what I did well, but also what I could have done differently. Though I am an advocate for never regretting your past, I also have my fair share of well- regrets. Though I made some amazing memories in 2018, from going to Belfast with my family, to getting a new job, to the evenings drinking with friends and loved ones, I also had numerous anxiety attacks, and I lost my biological mum to the nasty addictive illness known as alcoholism.

The crazy thing about social media, is that as I was looking at my Instagram stories, and seeing all the exciting memories that everyone seemed to have, I was finding it so easy for me to compare my life to theirs. As so many social commentators and researchers warn us about, this was making me feel horrible about my year. Was my year really that dull? Why can’t I be doing all the exciting things they were doing? What I realised though, was that I was seeing their absolute best moments in their lives, and that surely nobodies life can be that happy and fun all the time!? I suppose what I’ve realised is that this way of thinking is just toxic, futile, and I am a Generation Z early twenties woman- why am I not used to these kind of posts!?

So I’m looking into 2019, as are a lot of people at this time of year, and I am looking into the future with hope, and ambition. This time last year, I was working 5-6 days a week for a travel bureau, typically lone working, and scared about whether this is what my future was going to be for the rest of my life. Now? I am progressing in a career I have a genuine interest in, I am regularly social (even if this is mostly online), and I have a lot of loved ones by my side. This doesn’t mean that I’m not going to have bad days; of course I will, it’s an inevitable thing that will happen to even the best of us. However- I have something this year that I’ve mentioned earlier that i didn’t have back then, and that’s hope. I even went out of my way and made myself a list of resolutions for me to thrive towards (via Paint may I add…)

So will I change and become a less cynical, happier person? Honestly- probably not. Though we all generally change as we age, I can’t write to you all, and tell you that this year going to be “the year”, because at the end of the day, even if I won £10,000,000 tomorrow via the lottery, I would still find something to complain about. The point is that at least this year, I’m going to be honest with myself, look after myself, and open myself to others, and I guess that’s what this blog is all about.

I hope you all have a wonderful year, and if you feel like things aren’t going well for you, that’s okay to admit to yourself as well.